Released: October 31, 2014
The drunk’s face breaks into sweat
as his friend falls under the wheels
but the headlights don't flinch
and the engine doesn't stutter
oh yeah
think about myself
I think about myself
care about myself
I care about myself
I only care about myself
and other fears too stupid to mention
the ending of ‘Dramamine’ scared Degnan
the way that you all see me
that's who I am, but not who I need to be
moving my joke body through the cold November night
haha
hate yourself
do you hate yourself
I don't hate myself
I tolerate myself
I wish I was someone else
but it seems too stupid to mention
I know I'll be ripped in heaven
I was young, I was thin
I had money and I loved you
but then came the
shabba de bop bop be shibby day oh yeah
I need a name for what I’m feeling
then I can start to work on a meaning
speaking of the
shabba de bop bop be shibby day oh yeah
in a crowded room you will
hear your own opinion voiced
you can sit back without a word
watch it spread or fall silent
oh yeah
If it's too late to speak
I could get out of bed
find a pencil and write
leave it for you to find
if the moment is gone
to say I figured out what the problem was
I'd been thinking about it earlier
hey! can you hear me now?
Am I alone in my futile efforts?
sometimes I get so mad that I can’t do the few things I usually can
which is sad
Occupying space
I know I take up space
will there be a space
for my soul in space
(that's heaven to me)
98083
Post office box 295
and now I'm young, and I'm thin
I have money and I love you
but here comes the
shabba de bop bop be shibby day oh yeah
(thanks for fucking with my head, come again soon)
I need a name for what I’m feeling
then I can start to work on a meaning
speaking of the
shabba de bop bop be shibby day oh yeah
(thanks for fucking with my head, come again soon)
I can't hear a thing now
I guess I belong to me now
but when night fell on Montana
I found a rest stop completely deserted
but I still felt the eyes upon me
so I drove away
and any remaining interest my friends have in me
is just “hey, hey, this animal can talk!”
so all your friends are leaving town
you're hiding out in your parents' house
they wonder why you never go to church
hard to explain why it doesn't work
cause you're not living in sin well
but you're not living in health well
and you're a danger to yourself well
and to pedestrians
I co-write my songs with myself
he feels the feelings I write the words
I co-write my songs with myself
he feels the feelings I write the words
he writes down his feelings
I say “what are you doing?”
and he never saw the bright lights
and he never had a good time
and he never saw the bright lights
and he never saw the good times
so I sleep in my old loft bed
and search for hope inside my head
but even in my dreams
I know the difference between
what I want and what I got
cause what I got is mumble mumble how are you doing? Why’s the door locked? I’ll be out in a minute second, ooh these are good lyrics, I should charge a dollar per thought
and what I want...
love isn't love enough
at least not how I'm making it
love isn't love enough
I think this is the other thing
don't get mad at the system
you can't change the system
get mad at your lover
you can affect your lover
like pulling out nails with the back of the hammer
Spending my money in 12 dollar increments
Milkshake plus tip adds up to more than I think
and I admit my heart is a laughingstock
but that's why that's why that's why that's why
cause I don’t want to be perceived yeah
as a thing you can believe in
I'm an optical illusion
and pretty soon I think I’m leaving
when I stopped laughing and got to thinking
when I stopped laughing at how much we were drinking
when you never called me back
while I was staring at the paint crack
fun while it lasted but it didn’t last
It was fun while it lasted but it didn’t
It was fun while it lasted but it didn’t last
It was fun while it lasted but it didn’t
like pulling out nails with the back of the hammer
“only her voice and bones are left; at last
only her voice, her bones are turned to stone”
Hey Will, why don’t you cut the shit
and tell me who you’re fighting for?
if you’re not taking care of yourself
then what are you here for?
I used to think there was an answer
in the music of my youth
but I just read Brian Wilson’s biography
and now I know the truth
because his father never loved him
and the band just wanted money
and Dennis was an alcoholic
who drowned looking for treasure
and everyone that Brian turned to
just gave him drugs and took his money
he was dependent on social acceptance
just like every other human
and now I’ve got no one to pray to
and I’ve got nowhere to stay the night
and it’s hard to be here at all
and I am torn between
trying to be a better man
and trying to accept the man I am
I have no faith in life
to leave me satisfied
I’ll have my fears and worries
until the day I die
and I will not go to heaven
and I will not go to hell
I have no faith in death
to be anything at all
* I feel sick
* * I don't feel well
* * What a disgusting feeling
* * * * I don't like this feeling
* * How disgusting
* This feeling sucks
some of these things are symptoms
and some of these are being human
and I am torn between
trying to be a better man
and trying to accept the man I am
The people that I’ve talked to
and the books that I’ve read
and the tv shows and movies that I’ve seen
are all I have to turn to
to learn how to live
but when? When? When? When?
When? When? When will I ever learn?
Hello hello hello hello
I'm so excited to finally be here
maybe I'm a little embarrassed but
it's alright
it's alright
just take it to the left brain
shake it to the right brain
try to get lost
somewhere in the middle brain
you could be in love with anyone
but you're not in love with anyone because
you're in love with me
last night I dreamed Obama came to my birthday
party and they made a giant banner of my face
I wished they hadn't used driver's license photo but
it's alright
it's alright
and I could sense you somewhere in the crowd
and I knew that Barack would be proud
because you could be in love with anyone
but you're not in love with anyone
you're in love with me
You can drive across the whole thing
in four days if you really wanted
leaving custom thank you notes
in all the houses you ever haunted
in this whole solar system
we've only met one type of life
it's the living kind of life
and it's not one I recognize
America
I said "excuse me" to the ocean
because I thought I had got in its way
at first I didn't think it heard me
but then I saw it wave
you can spend every living moment thinking
how can I get out alive?
but is it really then, can you really call it
hey man, just shut up and drive
I thought we'd be on the road all night when that ice storm hit in Texas
and when we pulled into the gas station it was like a frozen oasis
oh, sweet mama, does that neon sign shine for me?
Is there a street where my name glows all through the night?
and I've never read (America)
no I've never been (America)
I just never went (America)
I have never seen (America)
all my fantasies are faking orgasms
they're only in it for the money I made up for them
I trade in ideas, opinion and artistry
and my face is on every dollar
this is heaven but heaven is here
this is heaven but heaven is hard
because your lover is listening to music you don't know
and you're tangled up in the headphone wires
you know our problems, they don't end
just because we get boy/girlfriends
is this your salvation plan?
there's only one type of love
it's the loving kind of love
but when you're mad at me it's the end of times
and I'm mad at you all the other times
have I ever really been in love?
I guess I've never really been in love
have I ever really
not in the way I'm thinking
real life's a mess
but at least you're not paying rent
you've been making it, maybe even breaking even
you oughta be content
it doesn't make sense
you're still sitting on the fence
when the yard is yours
and it was money well spent
and I've never read
no, I've never been
I just never went
I have never seen
America
America
democracy
biographies
civil rights! basically
bright lights! living in the city
second prize in a beauty pageant
200 dollars, this is life, this is your life!
America!
this is heaven
this is the place
I am not allowed to have feelings
feelings would complicate this
I'm a stupid ugly stuttering asshole
there is no dignity in my anger
mind if I cough in your ear all night?
mind if I resent you for a year to night?
I am not the type of man
who can fall asleep in someone else's arms
(Didn't mean to lie...)
I love you
sometimes I love you
but it's hard to say
there are times when I don't love
I can't love anything in this world
I want you to know.
I want you to know.
I want you to know
I am.
But I hope
that you are.
I hope that you're a
it doesn't matter what I say
if you don't say anything in response
the final phrase of my last sentence
hangs in the air, sounding stupider and stupider
why can't you at least laugh
I tried so hard to find the right words
it's a matter of timing, you only have so long
to capture the feeling before it's gone
here is a demo of my newest sentence
I'll fill in the good parts later
I'll make it fit together real nice
and cut out all the likes
two days ago it was really bad
I couldn't get my head straight all day
and everything you said seemed to have an edge
you were disappointed and I didn't know why
eventually it came to a head
over something as stupid as making coffee
you said it was a mistake to ever try and help me
then you went in the kitchen
I drove off to go buy some stuff
which was a mistake because
I didn't want to come back
I just sat in the parking lot
and dabbed at my thumb, which was bleeding for some reason
leaving a trail of red blossoms on the napkin
I felt sick and I didn't know what to do
how long would it be before I could face you?
flash back to
the first angry song I had to hide from you
it goes like this
I am hiding from you at the
QFC
Mikeal and Bryan broke up today
but we're not like them, no
nothing like them
Frankie and Ava broke up today
but we're not like them, no
nothing like them
Felice and Lanky broke up today
but we're not like them, no
nothing like them
John and Yoko separated for a year
but we're not like them, no
nothing like them
The Beatles broke up today
but we're not like them, no
nothing like them
Paul said, "I just started doubting everything I did"
but you're not like him, no
nothing like him
your parents and my parents, well, let's not get into that
we're not like them
we are nothing like them
Degnan and Skippy haven't spoken for a while
but we're not like them
nothing like them no
The cool thing about having a lot of artist friends is getting to see a lot of unreleased or unfinished work being tossed around casually,as if it was just another average part of their life, since obviously for them it is. At the same time, though, even though these artists will share this stuff with you freely if you're, as they say, 'in the know', you get the feeling that they wouldn't want it to be seen this way to the larger audience they're creating for - as something that can be placed into the context of a life.
the shitty thing about having artist friends is getting into the front seat of their car and having to rest your feet on fast food burger wrappers and empty Gatorade bottles. It's depressing to realize that these people that you've thought had a much better hold on life than you don't really have their shit together. At least, not in the normal sense. And if I'm being honest, it does kind of matter. Apparently, it's impossible to be an artist and not have puked-in car cup holders. I'm not excluding myself from this.
Ibuprofen bottle
Ibuprofen box
loose Ibuprofen capsules
shorthand directions to
Elmhurst, Minneapolis, Bozeman, Tiger Mountain
Great Clips receipt with coupon attached
I won't need my hair cut for months
It is 2014 and I have no idea what is going on in my life
Hello hello hello hello
I’m so excited to finally be here
Hello hello hello hello
I got a little drunk before I came here
frozen margaritas in Austin
the birthplace of Daniel Johnston
just a day's drive away from Memphis
the birthplace and deathplace of Elvis
(and I'm so far away from home
Last night I dreamed I had returned
to the land of all my favorite highways
route seven)
Hey, space cadet
you can’t hang out with your friends
even when you are with them
Hey, space cadet
you’re gonna need a lot of love
but not the kind you’re thinking of
and the times when I feel fine
I’m just dancing in my mind
couldn’t stay outside too long
had to come and write this song
hey, space cadet
didn't think it'd be this far
but that's the price for being a star
I met you through the television screen
I fell in love with the guy smiling at the audience
and now this love is praecox feeling
and now this love is aspect dawning
hello hello hello hello
it should be easier than this
we should fit like a glove and a hand
Hey, space cadet
the things you see inside your head
you'd better make other plans instead
Hey, space cadet
it's alright to want to dream
it doesn't mean reality is mean
Hey, space cadet
it's time to show them what you can do
what can you do, man, what can you do?
Hey, space cadet...